One thing can be assured when working with children and their families - you will hear a lot of funny stuff.
Here are my top quotes of the year, as spoken by my charming patients and their families.
(Details have been changed to protect the innocent.)
- A visibly overwhelmed dad came for an urgent care visit with his 2-year-old daughter. When she began to fuss while we were talking about her illness, he offered his daughter a pacifier. She happily grabbed it and began to suck. After realizing what he had done, the dad looked at me like a deer in headlights. He quickly spoke, nearly stumbling over his words, as he said,
"Dr. Natasha, I'm begging you. Please do not add to the note that I just gave her a pacifier. My wife would kill me. She doesn't know I still have one of these!"
- I enjoy hearing how kids celebrate their birthdays. I was pleasantly surprised to hear about the birthday plans of an exuberant 5-year-old. When asked how she celebrated, she said,
"I went on a date with my boyfriend, Harry."
Her mother assured me that they were closely chaperoned.
- While examining a pleasant 6-month-old, a familiar ding came from her father's pocket. Her dad, apologizing for the interruption, quickly pulled his phone out and glanced at the screen. He erupted with laughter, saying,
"That was my wife. She just texted, 'Do something funny so Dr. Natasha will tweet about this later.'"
- During a Friday afternoon well child check, the parents of a beautiful 4-year-old were talking about their weekend plans. Her dad spoke up and said,
"Dr. Natasha, we are officially parents. This weekend, we are going to see the Fresh Beat Band. Sad thing is... We paid more for Fresh Beat Band than we did for Paul McCartney."
- The mother of a rambunctious 2-year-old boy arrived in to my office for a routine visit. As soon as I stepped into the room, his mother sighed,
"Dr. Natasha, we have reached a new low. He ate dog poop."
- As heard in clinic, regarding a 6-month-old's poop consistency:
"It's like soup. Well, more like gazpacho."
- During the Thanksgiving season, I love to ask preschoolers what they are thankful for. One answer stood out this year. A shining 5-year-old answered without hesitation, throwing her arms in the air, shouting,
"Pickles!"
- History of present illness, as told by 5-year-old:
"I was picking up my toys and this bead jumped into my nose."
- Beginning in elementary school years, I begin to give my kiddos scenarios to gauge their knowledge of drugs and alcohol. A common question I ask is, "If you saw an open beer can on your dining room table, what would you do?" A wise 9-year-old surprised me with an answer I had not heard. After think for a moment, he looked at me quite sternly and said,
"Recycle it."
Good answer.
This year has been many things. 2012 presented elation and joy, grief and sorrow, babies and graduate, surprises and honors, honesty and redirection.
I wish to thank my patients and their families for being allowed into their lives. It is a privilege to be part of their journey.
Here's to much more for all of us in 2013. Cheers.